How to Stop a Behavior
Make It Hidden, Make It Hard, Make It Hurt, Burn It Up- Forever!
MIH: Make It Hidden:
- One Action: Get clear on the action you are going to stop and find a way to remove it from your world. If you are just trying to cut down, remove it from your easy access. Some examples: if it is sweets, remove all sweets from your house; if it is social media, remove the app from your phone; if it is TV, remove the TV from your room or home; if you are checking your phone too early or late, set a curfew and turn it off and charge it in another place.
- Floor and Ceiling: If you are just cutting down, this action will have a “Floor” = your ideal lowest amount, perhaps none. This action will also have a “Ceiling” = the maximum you will allow yourself to do.
MIH: Make It Hard: How can you make this activity hard, challenging, or difficult for you to do? Unlink it from the Typical Time and Place, create a window of time and a curfew: For most, I suggest creating a window that you allow it. For example: if it is something on the computer or phone, you can only do it for a 10-minute block between 4-6pm and never within 2 hours of your sleep time.
- UNLINK or LINK: Can you make it so you have earned it? Link it with an activity that is hard for you that is good for you. (like exercise)
- DELAY: Can you delay it and do something else and see if the temptation passes? (like cook some food or go for a walk or drink water)
- PLAY: Other ideas? Can you build in support (an accountability buddy/sponsor) or competition (with someone else who wants to stop doing this).
Example: If I want to have more Energy. I have decided I need to get to bed on time.
Both social media and surfing the web have gotten in the way. They both happen on the same device, so I am removing the app from this device. I do enjoy it, so I have decided to do it for up to 15 minutes a day. They used to happen in the morning and evening and so I will only do them on a different device in a different place between 4-6 pm.
Your Turn
- What is the One Action to Stop?
- Do they have a Floor and Ceiling, or do you need to stop completely?
- What are you going to do differently to Unlink it from the Typical Time and Place, create a window of time, and a curfew?
MIH: Make It Hurt: NOW Build in a consequence for any slip.
What will yours be? Have to do the dishes for a week; Have to stop something else you love; Have to donate to a campaign you despise.
You get the idea. The app/site SticKK is all about this.
BIUF: Burn It Up, Forever: Simple guidelines:
- Review
- Daily Check-in:
- Celebrate! After every time you are tempted and delay, stop, or you do not cave, have a mini-celebration! I win!
- Pull in support when you have not been so successful.
- Support and structure critical when stopping Addictions!
- Weekly Review: Do a weekly review: Without Judging Yourself, Notice.
- If slipped >3 times in a week, was it too available, in your face?
- If you slipped 2-3 times, is this good enough? If not, how can you make it harder?
- If 0-1: Is it working? Only you really know. Study your success and grow it. Temptations can be cut down, addictions do best with elimination.
- Reinforce
- Mantra’s: Literally means “Mind Tool.”
- Progress not perfection:
- If you slip one day, don’t slip two.
- Sloppy is better than Skippy
- Progress not perfection:
- Mantra’s: Literally means “Mind Tool.”
- Learn through struggle,
- Think ‘Obstacles Make Me Stronger.’
- or ‘This is Todays Workout.’
- Trouble Shoot: If you are struggling, do you need more support, do you have to make it more hidden, do you have to make the barrier bigger or the consequences larger? Do you need more rules/bright lines not to cross?
- Remember, you have friends and tools, like the site StickK. And Re-commit to your outcome.
After you succeed, think, ‘That’s like me!’ You are building an identity!
Also:
I have been loving your emails!
Thanks for Sharing your success and struggles!
You are my inspiration!
To Your Health!
Ben